09 / 12 / 2021

I'm actually doing really good. I am making a lot of progress with violin. My private lessons teacher gave me 3 music books to look at. One has advanced scales and arpeggios, one has all the Bach sonatas, and the other has Kretzer Etudes in it. For my audition in college I will need to play two contrasting concertos, some scales and technical stuff, and a Bach sonata of sorts. So I am really content with the idea and execution of it all.

Work hasn't been too bad. Just work. School has been pretty good too! I've been enjoying a lot of my classes and I'm just trying to put myself out there more, since it's my last year in Highschool. I want to push aside my norm and just be excited just because. I want to talk to others just because, why not?

Stuff has been happening with what I would consider to be my best friend. I don't want to talk to in depth about it or go on too much. But I am just really excited that they want me in their lives. In all other friendships and relationships I've had, it's all been temporary. I'm used to people leaving and me just being alone, made to start that cycle again. I think this is all going to be different, or I hope so. I don't think I could chose anyone else, ever. It's just not possible. But I really hope that this is something that is true to time and lasts, because I would love it too.

On a sidenote, I take a lot of supplements. I take Apple Cider Vinegar, Iron, Bioton... and today I got two new ones to add to it all. Bee Pollen and a Multivitamin. For the Bee Pollen, I have to take one heaping tablespoon for it and LET ME TELL YOU I almost got sick from it. You're supposed to chew it? it tastes fucking horrible. Like lightly sweet, grainy, and like dirt. I'm definetly going to be chugging it down whenever I take it next. Bleh. I really like taking vitamins though, I feel good doing so. Makes me feel responsible and mature, how I'm treating my body.

I'm finally going to go to the gym again after like a week and a half of not going. The gym was closed due to reconstruction and finally they have opened up again. I love going to the gym. All these "demons" that lurk or mess with me is all released when working out. I guess it's almost another form of self harm at times. I work so hard that I want to see bruises, blood, you get it. Also, I just want to look the best I can. I workout mainly for me, for my health and ability as I age. But another part of me works out because I want someone to notice and for people to be like, "Wow!". But with what I want to achieve you won't just see differences like that? Since I don't really have a lot of weight to loss, I just have muscle to gain. I guess the only place I want to lose weight at is my stomach, it's not crazy or anything, but for most women, our uterus makes a bump near the bottom-half of our abdomen, which sticks out a little bit. Some women don't have it but a majority do. Women also have weight go to their thighs and bellys first, which sucks.

Here I go to the gym to DESTROY my muscles and come back stronger woo!
5:20 p.m