11 / 25 / 2021
Thanksgiving was nice. Spent time with my family and watched all of season 5 of F is for Family . Now I am in my room, it's 10:33 p.m, and everyone else is asleep but me. I feel really weird and I want to cry but I can't cry because ever since I've started Clozapine and Lamictal I just can't. Something else, listening to Rex Orange County probably isn't helping.
I suck ass at upating this website and I wish I didn't. I want to work on this so much but everytime I have even a sliver of time I have a million other things that I have to do. But now I feel I'm running away from what I was talking about... So let's get back to that. This game, Life is Strange, is a super chill story mode sorta game that has a nice aesthetic. I feel like Max, the main character. Like everything that I am doing right now is through her and I don't know why and I want to know why but I don't. Why do I feel this way? Why do I feel like I am someone else? Everything that I am doing is just AGH. I was trying to meditate but I ended up getting up from it, just imagining how to be like Sam. The music I have to listen to, the things that I have to wear, the way I'll talk, the way I'll blink, etc etc. I can't sleep because my eyes have too much pressure in them and I am so confused.
I really want to go to my psychiatrist and therapist. I feel so cookoo right now. I wish I could cry.
What is going on?