TW// Diary entries may mention disordered eating, suicide, death, blood, and mental illness.
Date: July 22, 2021
Subject:Up and Down
Everything has been wooo. My dad was on vacation for around a week and during
that time we worked on stuff non-stop. We installed a door, worked on 3 cars, and
helped my grandparents with cutting tree branches that were broken from a
thunderstorm. Now that he is back at work I feel like I can finally relax again.
Other than that my mental wellbeing has been sketchy. I'm cycling into a
hypomanic episode and I haven't been sleeping well. It's like I go to bed and then
my eyes just open and I can't sleep. So I sit there, crochet some, journal, watch
shows on Hulu, and just stare at stuff. When I talked to my therapist about it she
told me I have to go to my psychiatrist, so that's in the books for this next
week. My psychiatrist is kinda intimidating, he is so blunt and serious, his eyes
are constantly judging and eyeing people weirdly and yeah it just makes me feel
like everything I'm going through isn't as bad as it is. Crossing my fingers
though that my med change wont be horrible or flip my world upside down.
I also got a job! Finally! I've been applying to TONS of jobs and none of them
seem to want me but finally I got one. It also pays $11.30 an hour, which isn't
bad! I'm just excited to work, I hate sitting around so much. When you work,
you learn to value your freetime more, thus making it more worthwhile and fun,
which is something I enjoy.
Date: July 14, 2021
Subject:kinda uh pissed
I don't know if this is a side effect of my meds or something, but I am forgetting
so much. Today I woke up and I couldn't remember my phone pin and I still don't
and it's been 6 hours :- / like comeon! So now I'm locked out of my phone for a
few hours. My dad kept saying I'll remember it at some point and will be okay but
I really just want to break my phone rn.
Date: July 11, 2021
I'm doing well, but I'm not.
I can find purpose now but will I in the future? Or will it all be meaningless
I really want to write a lot but I feel weird doing so, I already have taken so much
of me off of the web, so it feels almost too revealing, like wearing a low top, the
cleavage too obvious.