11 / 27 / 2024

I feel like in the past year I have grown the ability to emphathize with my own naivety. For me, growing up too fast entailed being unable to really focus on important parts of myself.
Examples being... Knowing how to socialize, not assuming everything that everyone thinks (spoiler alert: THEY'RE NOT YOU), and really appreciating what I have.

I feel like I have formed a mold of myself which wasn't me. My name was what it is, and my hair did look the same as it always has... But, it wasn't me. In my entirety I was everything that everyone else wanted me to be.

I let others see too much into my life. I bonded the only way I knew how... Which was trauma-bonding. Then I always felt the love I sought was never meant for me. I deserved what everyone else got it seemed. Which was everything but what love is.

But, since high school graduation, and since I've accepted solitude as a means of entire being recovery, I feel like I am myself.

I feel like I don't subject myself to the restraints that have been formed by so many others. Such as aligning my entire self with a specific ideology or aesthetic. I know it may sound simple and it shouldn't take me this long to realize this, yada yada.. But I didn't think that way. I always felt like my entire sense of self had to be contained in a box and everything had to be perfect. I couldn't like this or that because, it doesn't work that way .

But now I know NONE OF IT MATTERS!! I can be myself and, who am I to care what others think? People I never interact with, people who don't care for me, people I used to go to school with. I don't care, because after all of this I know who I am and I'm so happy to have finally broken through this black hole which was consuming all my creativity, hopes, and dreams.

Everything is okay, and in the end, it will be okay still.

6:58 p.m