02 / 12 / 2023
I am having a hard time. I got back with my ex. Things are okay right now. Really sad though.

I was really contemplating suicide for a week or so. Some stuff happened and I hurt people and they feel I'm the bad guy in the situation. It made me feel like I failed people and that I was a failure in life. People are gradually talking to me again and I don't feel as suicidal as I was. But I'm trying to find the strength to continue on and find a better life for myself. I got my plans pretty intack, I'm going to be working to save up 3 months of rent, car insurance, gas money, and extra run money so I can take 3 months off when I do software enginering school. I'd need a macbook for it too which costs $1000, so I need to buy that aswell.

So hopefully by the end of this year I'm in school and have money for everything that I need. Right now I am listening to more subliminals. I've listened to them a ton for the past few years and I feel they've helped a lot with my apperance, grades, study ethic, and life in general. So, I'm going to be listening to another one that was super strong for me. I'd be fainting everyday for weeks because of it, mainly because I was over-using it. But, I'm just hoping to improve my life and become a better me while finding good people along the way.