01 / 24 / 2023
I feel really stupid right now. You know how I said I saw the man in black occasionally? Well, I haven't directly seen him in a long time.. I've just felt his prescence. I feel sometimes this dread in me that just tells me he's here. Then sometimes I hear music. For example, Sometimes I hear Frank Sinatras "My Way" playing. It's quite enjoyable. Because I like that song and it's meaning. So, when it first happened I walked around the house trying to find where it was coming from but it always played from the same volume. So after a while I started looking at my phone and the tv's, even my radio. Which wasn't turned on. So I sat on my bathroom floor and just listened. I was wondering if it was trying to tell me somthing. After a few minutes it went away. But then it happened again with a Julie London song, "Cry me a River". It's only happened with older songs and singers from older eras. But everytime I just sit and enjoy it while it lasts. My mom said it was Auditory Hallucinations. I also am having hypnogogic hallucinations. Which happen as you're falling asleep. But they're scaring me. I have this intense fear that someone will break into the house and kill me and/or my family while we are asleep. One night when I was almost asleep I heard someone slamming on my door and shaking it. I sat up terrified and it took me hours to fall back asleep. I hid myself under clothes and pillows, putting my stuffed animals and random items infront of me to act as if I wasn't in bed. Once I did finally fall asleep the memory of hearing that stuck inside my brain for a long time, it still does. I can't decipher if it was real or not.

I got back with my boyfriend. One of my friends tell me I'm going to regret it. But I don't know, I just really love him. I don't know if love's enough to fix what I don't get though. I know he loves me. He shows it. But everything else? Like those long conversations or valentines... I don't get those.